When I was very annoyed - Thankfully I never sent it!

Dear Insert-Name-of-Incompetent-Telecom-Customer-Service-Employee,

This is to inform you that the telephone instrument so graciously provided by you will, from now on, be lying outside my residence. I have realised that apart from taking up space, it is not performing any other function. Please eat that blasted phone that you have (for reasons unknown to me) installed in my house. If it was just about looting me of my money - no phone was required. You could have just taken my money and run.

Please keep my money and feel free to divide it amongst your completely inefficient colleagues as well.

Ever-so-grateful-for-a-phone-that-does-not-work