The Ritual

I dont understand it at all. I cant take it when people call about work and make small talk with me for agonisingly long minutes on end before finally asking me what exactly it was they had called for. Please, please dear caller upper, spare me the fact that you are doing well and that your dog, in fact, has put on some weight because he has been lazing around and drinking so much beer like any regular Bangalorean would. Spare me the whole ritual dance around the topic of the actual POINT of the call. I think I may have ranted about this before... but come on people, I am entertaining you with this one. No really.

I try to spare people this torture when I call them for work. As a result, I fear, I may have come across as rude. Instead of enquiring about said dog and the health of the individual I usually jump right into the point of my call. While some may laud me for my commendable efforts in reducing the stress of small-talk in their lives, others may wonder why I dont care enough about baloo, the dog!

Lets not get this wrong. I LIKE dogs. No really I do. And its not like everyone who calls me has a pet dog, but it makes for good humour does it not? It also conveys the whole irritating small-talk picture quite well I think.  And I dont hate small talk but there is a time and a place for everything. If I am standing around with a beer at a pub, go right ahead and tell me about your dog. I will actually respond with feigned interest (the beer helps by actually making my brain cells think everything around me is fabulous). In fact, if at such time, as my holding such beer, you were to do the whole dance around the point of your conversation, I will think you are a brilliant conversationalist.

Daytime small-talk though, just does not cut it for me, if you know what I mean. So I am at work and a client will call and talk to me about stuff and I am thinking - "I just spoke to you 3 minutes ago!! Things have NOT changed too much since then (not too much anyway)!!" Now I know the client is thinking "she is a pal, a buddy who will work on some stuff and not charge me for it if I ask her about her dog and tell her inane stuff about mine". Well, here's news for you. I dont have a dog. I am just dandy and if I was not okay, I would not have picked up your call.

Maybe thats how I should greet people when I pick up the phone. "Hello. Nidhi here. I am fine and dandy and dont have a dog. I also have no interest in your dog. How may I help you?" Hmmm... just a tad rude eh? I thought you might think that... dammit! So I should stick to my usual greeting - "What is it?" - then?