The 2 drink phenomenon

I am so cool after a couple of drinks. This is a scientifically proven fact. After many years of experimentation with alcohol (and sometimes even without alcohol) it has been comprehensively proved that I am uber-cool with a bit of alcoh0l in my systems. Suddenly I am really funny, able to walk up to people and make conversation with them. Sometimes, I even spit at them while talking (inadvertently, of course), which is funny and conversational at the same time.

However the distinction is 2 drinks. After 3 drinks, I am clearly out of the entertainer category and into the self-entertained and highly irritating category of party-goers. Naturally after almost three quarters of a bottle of wine and some additional food through dubious means at a club recently I noticed I was having a whale of a time and had no idea why. The next day was spent wondering why daylight existed and consuming copious amounts of water. Upon trying to remember what the jokes were, my brain refused to throw up any hilarity except for our tumbling along the road in hysterics towards the car at the end of the night.

However, I have noticed that this is a universal phenomenon. My friend, of tumbling-along-the-road-with-me fame, also had no recollection of why we were hysterical. Not so surprisingly, we both remembered having tears stream down our faces because we were laughing so hard. We were laughing so hard, we were inching along towards the car so slowly that the others had to wait as many as 12 minutes at the car waiting for us to get our acts together and in the car.

In other experiments, at brunch on another day, lack of alcohol made me stand around and search my brains for conversation with a seeming interesting person who designed bags for a living. Wittiness was a far cry when conversation itself seemed like such a task. I felt so shy - ah yes, that feeling I thought I had left behind in high-school along with that supremely ugly pair of glasses I wore. All I needed was 2 drinks - not more, not less.