Thursday, January 27, 2005

The Wedding Album

My dear sweet husband has created an album for those demanding to see photographs from the wedding, even though he suffers from jaundice at present. How sweet, no? Now go see it I say-

Wedding Album


Social Networking Websites

Its as if the world has gone mad. Its driving me up the wall- what with a gazillion "social networking" websites mushrooming all over cyber-space.

So in order to not seem rude to your friends you decided to accept their 752nd invitation to be their friend (which you already are) through a website. And magically, it appears you need to "sign up" yourself. Surprising no? Before you know it you have also sent everyone in your address books an invitation to "be my friend". Gaah!

Initially it was exciting you know, to find that people you knew personally (and in some cases not so personally as well) had their names on the same website as you. But then, it pretty much ended at that. What next? The damn website clutters your mailbox with "updates" on how close they are to world domination now that another 12 people have registered on their site. But thats pretty much where it seems to end. Apart from seeing peoples names on such websites I doubt if there is really a particular purpose to these websites.

I am still wondering if they get their employees to rite the recommendations they usually have on these sites like "Its the Greatest thing to happen! - Stew Pidity" They might as well write the employee id as well under these massively annoying quotes. And if these are real people, how bored are they to be so excited by names of other people on a website to think its the best thing to happen to them?? Is it them or am I in the Twilight Zone??


Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Legal Proof of our Marriage Posted by Hello


Monday, January 24, 2005


I have returned as a married woman to the world of blogs. Congratulate me people! My parents threw some fabulous parties - thank you! And it has to be said that we looked gorgeous even though my boy was gripped by jaundice. Fortunately it was not a very bad case of jaundice and the colour yellow is considered supremely auspicious by Hindoos. If my father was around, he would now tell us what wonderful good luck it is that he has got jaundice at the time of the wedding. But before I tell you the story let me tell you about the OFFICIALS at the wedding of a lifetime (at least for me :)):

The Official Grumpy: My oldest and somewhat-mistakenly-known-as-funniest friend did not get sleep for over 24 hours prior to the wedding. Several tequila shots later, she was still grumpy as ever sitting in one corner and lamenting to anyone who bothered to go near her that she felt very lost. Grumpy is as grumpy does (?) and hence she was named the official grumpy for the rest of the wedding.

The Official Vicks Inhaler Provider: Shoving Vicks Inhaler up the brides nose during the henna/mehndi session is not a pretty task, but yet another of my oldest friends did it with elan. Not only that, every morning when I woke up with a blocked nose for reasons nobody can decipher for me (perhaps it was the fact the temperature refused to rise above 12 degrees centigrade!!) and Uma cheerfully provided relief in the form of the inhaler- bless you!

The Official Runner-Arounder: That was my best friend running around like a mad person trying to make sure my wedding was perfect - and it was! Anytime the bride, or her mother or her father or... well.. the entire family needed anything we screamed out for her and she would come running to our rescue. Never mind the fact the for all the running around, she decided to drive around Delhi on the evening of the ring exchange ceremony for a few hours before reaching the venue despite the presence of an appropriately positioned map in the co-passengers lap even!

The Official All-Photgraph-Presence Person: Another friend of mine seems to have sidled her way into most photographs (especially if she was not meant to be there). As we scanned through the 742 photographs in the days after the wedding and all the parties, a strange phenomenon was observe. T was is practically ALL the photographs and she was not being subtle about it! She was looking right at the camera and smiling in the background...

The Official Punjabi Music Provider: When the family felt lost for traditional punjabi music (because my brother and I kept hiding it), she provided an endless supply of music from her place. It was as if she had been hoarding this music for this exact situation! So just as we thought we had hidden all the music, she would bring out some more!!

The Official Packer-Upper: Pretty bows and golden tissue roses were crafted for all the gifts that were eventually opened by severe tearing as the people we gave them to (such as me) were too impatient about finding out what was contained in the wrapping). Our sweet neighbour of 20 years, who we had never spoken to until the wedding appeared to wrap things and claimed she was tense about wrapping everything properly. Thank goodness for psychotic behaviour like that or everyone would have gotten gifts thrown at them in polythene bags given how worries we were about the wrapping!

The Official Must-Have-Crying-at-the-end-of-the-Wedding-Person: My mothers oldest and bestest friend decided that everyone must cry and even organised a ceremony for it. The perfect end to any wedding is a bunch of women in a lot of make up crying and trying hard not to ruin their make up... thanks Neera Masi!

Just remember - there's nothing official about any of this!


Tuesday, January 04, 2005

14 minutes remaining....

or so it says on my Bloatus Notes for a mail that I am trying desperately to send to the client. It has come to my attention that Bloatus Notes is THE MOST pathetic, irritating, non-working-from-home email client ever. While I sit here and wait for the irritating mails to be sent in 12, no 14, no 17 minutes.. well in some time, I thought I might as well blog - something I have not done in ages. There have been multiple reasons for this:

1. I have a severe paucity of time to even think;
2. I have a severe paucity of things to write about;

The paucity of time has been created by a client that I have mentioned before, may god bring her great amounts of pain. It must be said that she has the brains of an ant - a very stupid ant, in fact. Unfortunately she continuously calls me during the day because a brain the size of an ant cannot comprehend excel sheets the size of an elephant (I know I should stop with the animal metaphors now) and has made me reach a stage where seeing her number flash on my phone makes me want to throw up.

This, I fear, is not an abnormal response to a revolting client experience. I have therefore decided, in the interest of my mental health, and of those around me, to actually give in to the temptation of wringing her neck next time I see it. Just for kicks.. nothing dangerous.. we dont want her to die... we just want her a little breathless (she says as she rubs her hands in glee). Before I become more psychotic I shall end this post. Wish me luck!


Happy New Year!

My dear blog-world,

Although I am one of the gazillions wishing you a wonderful year ahead, let me at least be a little original and sing it to you in the form of a little ditty I just wrote:

The new year,
It is here
Should be fun
As long as you stick with your hon
And if there isnt one yet
He/She will walk by you, just as you read this I bet
Err yeah thats it
Have a whale of a time, and a bit (?)

I cant wait for this year to begin properly now. The wedding is almost upon us and the excitement is only now beginning to dawn on me. Much like a ton of a bricks, one could say. I am off to Delhi on Friday as the countdown begins in earnest to the day I sign a piece of paper to claim my rightful posession of the boy. He is mine, all mine I say and I shall have papers to prove it before you can say - "no really".

Its 1.46 am and despite my protests of preparation of wedding, my clients are under the impression I can work all night as long as the appropriate excel sheets are provided. I am their excel-sheet provider. Why they could not get someone internally to work on excel is quite simply beyond me. Of course, the apparent lack of brains among some of the individuals working with us may provide pointers. And as consultants, there is nothing we love more than stupid people (makes us look that much smarter.. if we werent already looking dashing enough to be spent luxuriously on).

Ah well, its sleepy time now and I must retire, having sent all the material to the client to hopefully not hear their voices again. Aaagh! But tomorrow is another day...

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